This Year in 21 Simple Details (:

I want to reflect on this past year because it has been an incredible one (:

1) I had the opportunity to see some amazing friends and family get married this year! So blessed to know Kate&Robert, Matthias&Keilah, and my wonderful cousin Susan.

2) I got to see another friend get engaged, and share in the joy of their love! 

3) The opportunity to sing (with two of the best girls around) at my first wedding, it was a blessed experience.

4) I received the worst grades of my school career, a blessing in disguise.

5) I received the best grades of my school career, a relief.

6) Fell in and out and in love with God. It's an ever growing relationship with my Creator.

7) I began dating and fell in love with one of the most inspiring, open hearted, Godly men I know.

8) Made brand new friends, and what an incredible blessing they are!

9) Caught myself more than once saying or doing something that wasn't glorifying and stopped myself - it's ever growing.

10) I got my first two tattoos.

11) Remembered my friend on the year anniversary of her death, RIP Chels.

12) Prayed with my girls for guidance and peace, love and mercy...and then prayed again, and again, and again.

13) Discussed sex and the nitty-gritty details with pastors, priests, professors, and a rabi in front of my entire school. 

14) Started working two jobs, and going to school full time.

15) Managed and definitely didn't manage my stress properly. It takes time.

16) Stepped foot into the studio with an incredibly talented girl and started something I love!

17) Realized it is not always my responsibility, or even my business. However, I am created to listen and to speak with words given to me by the only true Healer.

18) Became unsure of what God wants for me to do - but I am incredibly excited to seek Him for the answer.

19) Realized how strong I really am.

20) Became inspired beyond belief by my friends who chase their dreams through love and grace.

21) I turned 20 years old, and found that nothing is for certain but Love Never Fails.

I've learned a few things, and I pray I've helped people learn a few things. I don't want to make New Year's Resolutions, but I do want to live my life by love and nothing else. I want to walk in the footsteps of my Maker with the ones I love. I've been blessed by Him to live another year and be so happy in the storms because He is only growing me.

until next year (:

What is the Truth About You?

It sucks to say I struggle everyday to look in the mirror with a happy face. What is worse is knowing the women that surround me, and a lot of men struggle with the same thing. It's not just bed head and a little bit of dry drool that they are frowning over, but it is the way they feel about themselves...the way I feel about myself.

Instead of telling me that I'm a "beautiful creation of God" please read on. Not that I don't appreciate those comments, every girl likes to hear she is beautiful, but that is a 'go to' phrase that I don't want to hear just yet.

Yesterday I heard a song. A song to change minds, and break hearts so God can mold them again. I am so thankful. The name is "The Truth About Me" by Mandisa, and good glory is this woman reading my mind. 

The song is about the way she sees herself, and how different that is from the view point God has on His creation. I never think about how God sees me, do you? I never recognize how those who care about me see me, do you? It's a little selfish only letting how you see yourself get to you, don't you think? No to the first two, and a definite yes to the last one. 

How do I change the way I view myself?

I started by putting that song on repeat, and not just on my iPod but in my head as well. I work in fast food, which means I get bullied from time to time and I used to let it get to me. Now? I know God holds a higher standard for how I view myself, and even though it's the most difficult thing I have had to do in a while, I do my best to think differently. I have a mantra, "Love Is Bigger". Love can cover all of my insecurities, and thanks to Him I have no worries.

What if I have a not so "Mandisa-vational" day?

Every morning I get down. Every single morning, but I surround myself with the people who truly care about me and want to see me feel better about myself. (If that didn't sound like a motivational poster, I don't know what does).

So I make promises to myself or to others about my self-esteem because in my mind promises are, and must stay, unbreakable. I promised my boyfriend I would do my best to see myself through his eyes as a beautiful and strong woman of God. I promised God I would start to change the words I use to describe myself into a more positive tone because I owe it to myself to see me the way He does. 

If I put myself down, I'm putting down His creation - and God doesn't make mistakes. Isn't that reassuring?

I'm not saying that all of this is easy, or that you can do it in a pinch if you're feeling down. Changing your confidence to be more positive is like a long-term, loving relationship, it takes effort and time but in the end it is the greatest thing you have or will ever do not just for yourself but for everyone around you. No one likes a negative nancy, especially when you are putting yourself down and being serious about it. 

What's the truth about me? I am a creation of the Most High and nothing about me was made wrong - He does good work.

until next time (: