My wonderful boyfriend, Tom and I have been dating 1 year and 4 months as of a few days ago, and I could not be happier. Our story is a cute and simple one where we both had feelings for eachother and never got the nerve to say one single thing until a two day span of talking and playing 20 Questions. None the less it came down to "So...let's be together?" My response was "Sure...", and here we are. I can't imagine my life without him in it.
Tom and I on our anniversary, picture was taken by some sweet friends of ours!
However, from time to time I have these little doubts and fears about our future. I am doing my best to live in the present moment, which is so beautiful, but there are times when my stomach gets tight and I think to myself "Will I love him forever?" That's when my mind reverts back to the meaning of love, and how it applies to what I am feeling.
At the beginning of our relationship Tom and I told God that He would know when we were in love. He would know when we understood what that truly meant, and so we continued to pray for His guidance. When the time came for us to finally say those three words I turned to him and we both knew the same thing before the words fell from my lips, "Love means never turning back. Never giving up. And absolutely never ever underestimating the strength of God." We agreed, and when I think of that moment in my times of need my doubts and fears are immediatly replaced with peace.
I am so worried all the time about bills, school, home stuff, and whether or not I will have a future as a teacher and in the midst of a pre-break down hyperventilation session I realize I am not trusting the one man who can change, and has changed it all for me. I begin to feel small in God's presence and I know that to God love means never turning back, just like it does for Tom and I.
It amazing to me how loving Tom in the thick and thin has helped me to deeply understand the power of God's love and grace. There are days when I know I will love Tom forever, but being around him is just obnoxious. Or there are days when the only person I want near me is him, and all I want to do is tell him how much he means to me. We argue, we disagree, we laugh, and we love - all the things I do with my God.
I have a saying that "Love is bigger". To me it means that in the end God's loving arms are big enough to hold all the baggage and fear Tom and I are building up for ourselves. It also means He is big enough to tear it all down. God can handle everything and anything because He is the meaning of love. He will never turn back, give up, or underestimate our strength.
until next time (:
