It sucks to say I struggle everyday to look in the mirror with a happy face. What is worse is knowing the women that surround me, and a lot of men struggle with the same thing. It's not just bed head and a little bit of dry drool that they are frowning over, but it is the way they feel about themselves...the way I feel about myself.
Instead of telling me that I'm a "beautiful creation of God" please read on. Not that I don't appreciate those comments, every girl likes to hear she is beautiful, but that is a 'go to' phrase that I don't want to hear just yet.
Yesterday I heard a song. A song to change minds, and break hearts so God can mold them again. I am so thankful. The name is "The Truth About Me" by Mandisa, and good glory is this woman reading my mind.
The song is about the way she sees herself, and how different that is from the view point God has on His creation. I never think about how God sees me, do you? I never recognize how those who care about me see me, do you? It's a little selfish only letting how you see yourself get to you, don't you think? No to the first two, and a definite yes to the last one.
How do I change the way I view myself?
I started by putting that song on repeat, and not just on my iPod but in my head as well. I work in fast food, which means I get bullied from time to time and I used to let it get to me. Now? I know God holds a higher standard for how I view myself, and even though it's the most difficult thing I have had to do in a while, I do my best to think differently. I have a mantra, "Love Is Bigger". Love can cover all of my insecurities, and thanks to Him I have no worries.
What if I have a not so "Mandisa-vational" day?
Every morning I get down. Every single morning, but I surround myself with the people who truly care about me and want to see me feel better about myself. (If that didn't sound like a motivational poster, I don't know what does).
So I make promises to myself or to others about my self-esteem because in my mind promises are, and must stay, unbreakable. I promised my boyfriend I would do my best to see myself through his eyes as a beautiful and strong woman of God. I promised God I would start to change the words I use to describe myself into a more positive tone because I owe it to myself to see me the way He does.
If I put myself down, I'm putting down His creation - and God doesn't make mistakes. Isn't that reassuring?
I'm not saying that all of this is easy, or that you can do it in a pinch if you're feeling down. Changing your confidence to be more positive is like a long-term, loving relationship, it takes effort and time but in the end it is the greatest thing you have or will ever do not just for yourself but for everyone around you. No one likes a negative nancy, especially when you are putting yourself down and being serious about it.
What's the truth about me? I am a creation of the Most High and nothing about me was made wrong - He does good work.
until next time (:
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